These were taken yesterday!
I got this in an email and cracked up so I just had to share…
The following note was found posted very low on a refrigerator door.
Dear Dogs and Cats:
The dishes with the paw prints contain your food and are yours. The other dishes are mine and contain my food. Placing a paw in the middle of my plate of food does not stake your claim for it, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.
The stairway was not designed by NASCAR so it is not a racetrack. Racing me to the bottom is not the object and tripping me doesn't help because I fall faster than you can run.
I cannot buy anything bigger than a king sized bed and I am very sorry about this. Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure your comfort. However, I know you can curl up in a ball when you sleep so it is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other, stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking your tails straight out and having your tongues hanging out on the other end to maximize coverage is nothing but sarcasm.
For the last time, there is no secret exit from the bathroom! If, by some miracle, I beat you in there and manage to get the door shut it is not necessary to claw, whine, meow, try to turn the door knob or get your paw under the edge in an attempt to open the door. I must exit through the same door I entered! Also, I have been using the bathroom for years - your attendance is not required.
The proper order for kissing is: Kiss me first, THEN go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough.
Finally, in fairness, dear pets, I have posted the following message on the front door:
TO ALL NON-PET OWNERS WHO VISIT AND LIKE TO COMPLAIN ABOUT OUR PETS:
(1) They live here. You don't.
(2) If you don't want their fur on your clothes, stay off the furniture. That's why they call it “fur”-niture.
(3) I like my pets a lot better than I like most people.
(4) To you, they are animals. To me, they are adopted sons/daughters who are short, hairy, walk on all fours and don't speak clearly.
You need to know that dogs and cats are better than kids because they eat less, don't ask for money all the time, are easier to train, normally come when called, never ask to drive the car, don't hang out with drug-users, don't smoke or drink, don't have to buy the latest fashions, don't need a gazillion dollars for college AND if they get pregnant, you can sell their children!
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